One problem that frequently comes up after a man studies pick-up lines and seduction techniques is a tendency to start overthinking. It’s a natural part of the learning process. You fear screwing up so you pay extra attention to detail. You start taking in more information and second guessing everything you do based on how a woman responds to you.

Go Through the Process

Overthinking often leads to high turnover in the seduction community. A guy learns some pick-up lines and a little female psychology; then starts believing he’s a full blown stud and every girl he meets will throw herself at him. It all comes with the “quick fix” and “instant gratification” culture we live in. We want to fix a problem RIGHT NOW and don’t have patience to go through the process.

Well guess what? Becoming a good player is a process. If you want to get good, you have to experience some failure. In fact, failure is one of the best teachers around. Not only do you learn from it, but it also makes you tougher.

Some guys who are looking for a magic bullet will see failure as a reason to give up. They go out in the field hopeful and excited at first. They make some amateur attempts at approaching women and fail miserably because they come across like a bad actor from overthinking. Then they wave the white flag and lose faith in all the material they read. They retreat back to their old nice guy, friend zone dwelling, sex starved lifestyle.

With so much effort and energy going into your behavior, you lose a lot of your natural and spontaneous charm in the process. How can you act like a normal human being when you’re constantly waiting for the right moment to say the right line? How can you be sexy and exciting? How can you create attraction? Overthinking will f*ck you up. It’s really that simple.

Relax and Have Fun

Outside of using openers to approach a woman and open up a conversation, you should toss any other “lines” out the window and learn to live in the moment. Have fun with women and enjoy your interaction with them. Flirt with them and play with them like someone you’ve known for years. In short: RELAX and don’t take yourself too seriously. Understand your strengths and take pride in them. Why do your friends like you? Why do you like yourself? Whatever the reasons, be proud of them.

When you first start out, focus on observation and experience more than “getting women”. Have fun with the whole thing until you get comfortable enough to deal with women more naturally. Trust me; you’ll get VERY comfortable over time if you just keep at it. Eventually you’ll reach a sweet spot where your knowledge and experience comes together. This is when you’ll become naturally sexy and see your success increase.

Don’t Obsess Over the Outcome

One of the first things I noticed when I became a confident player was how indifferent I became to the outcome of most situations with women. It didn’t matter if I just met her, dated her for a few weeks, banged her that night, etc. The future didn’t matter; all that mattered was how much fun I was having with her in that moment. There were no concerns, thoughts or plans for the future. Why? Because I reached a point where I wanted a woman, but didn’t need one.

Nothing is more liberating than reaching that point where you don’t really care if a woman stays or goes. There should be no desire for ownership or commitment, just experience. Let the woman stress herself out over “where the relationship is going” and “how committed you are to her” while you kick back and enjoy life. This is what makes you a good player; your indifference to almost any outcome. But you won’t get there overnight.

Seek an Experience

When I see an attractive woman, I see an opportunity to have an experience. It might be a good one or it might be a bad one. That’s what makes it exciting. Living in the moment makes it easier to engage and attract a woman. She’ll feel she has your full attention and sense how much fun you’re having in her company. You’ll be sexy and stimulating because you won’t be distracted by insecurity, canned lines or fear of rejection.