Often when nice guy’s realize they’re getting the short end of the stick in life, they make it a goal to change their ways. Some become angry and bitter enough to go to extremes and become truly awful people. This is their way of getting revenge on the world for “wronging them”. Some of the more sane/stable nice guys put on a bad boy “act” because they believe it’s the only way to be respected. But this usually leads to lots of awkward situations when they don’t know when to relax their “act” and be natural or genuine.

Putting on acts and going to extremes will not fix the problem or turn you into a sexy bad boy. All you’re doing is putting the cart before the horse. Running away from who you are and going for the quick fix will never give you the long term results you want. If you want to become a true bad boy you have to change yourself from the inside out. The only way to do this is by changing your thinking. I go into more detail on this in my book The Lothario Upper Hand, but for today’s purposes I’ll give you four behaviors bad boys adopt and the thinking patterns behind them. Knowing the thinking pattern behind these behaviors will allow you to incorporate them into your personality naturally because you will be viewing the situation like a bad boy.

1. Stop Apologizing

Nice guys like to apologize a lot. They hate to think their behavior has harmed, annoyed or angered someone. They just want to get along with everyone and be loved. They fear conflict because it might lead someone to dislike them. It all stems from a fear of rejection and a general fear of people overall.

The Bad Boy View

The basic view is: “This is not my fault. So why should I apologize?”

Bad boys don’t apologize because they didn’t do anything wrong. Simple as that. If you come to a bad boy and say you’re upset because your dog just died, he will not respond by saying:

“Oh no! I’m so sorry!”

Why not? Because he didn’t kill your damn dog! Therefore, he sees no reason to apologize. He will say something along the lines of: “That sucks” and not much more.

Regarding issues that truly ARE a result of his behavior, he is still unlikely to apologize. Let’s say he is late for a date or a planned event because he overslept or ran into unexpected traffic. It’s very unlikely you’ll hear him say:

“Sorry I’m late”.

At best you’ll get an excuse like: “I got tied up, but I got here when I could.”

Why no apology? Because once again, it’s not his fault. He didn’t make a conscious decision to arrive late, it just happened because of unexpected circumstances. Therefore, he has no reason to apologize.

Now, I’m not advising that you NEVER apologize to anyone for anything. I’m just saying your apologies should be saved for when you are truly in the wrong and not just a knee-jerk reaction when someone shows disapproval of your behavior.

2. Speak Your Mind

As I’ve already mentioned, nice guys hate and fear conflict. As a result they are slow to speak their minds and fast to agree with others. They fear speaking their mind will offend someone or cause someone to stop liking them.

The Bad Boy View

The basic view is: “If I don’t speak up, how will this person know they are wrong?”

While that sounds somewhat ridiculous, it’s actually how most people think. While reasonable people “tolerate” the beliefs of others who disagree with them and “pretend” to respect those beliefs… in the end they really don’t. Deep inside we don’t really respect others beliefs because we know our beliefs are right. Bad boys are just not afraid to say it. I’m the same way. If I disagree with someone they are automatically wrong in my mind unless they provide some kind of proof.

Bad boys are not afraid to share their opinions because they don’t believe in submission. They are naturally competitive and won’t sit in a corner with their lips sealed just to make some trash talking moron feel comfortable about their false beliefs.

This way of thinking should not be taken to the extreme where you become an obnoxious bigot who forces you’re beliefs on everyone. This is not what bad boys do. Instead they simply speak up when they disagree with someone and/or don’t like something. Simple as that.

3. Be Proud of Yourself

Most nice guys feel inferior and are easily embarrassed by getting too much praise or being in the spot light. Nice guys don’t feel like they deserve anything. This is why they are horrible with attractive women. In their heads they are thinking:

“Why would she date someone like me?”

Women can sense this doubt and they lose interest immediately. If you don’t think you’re good enough for someone then you’re not. If you think you are, then you are.

The Bad Boy View

The basic view is: “I know I’m not perfect, and frankly, I don’t give a sh*t because neither is anyone else”.

Bad boys focus on their good qualities and give very little attention to their bad ones. They take pride in all their accomplishments because they see them as clear testaments to their unique abilities and qualities. Bad boys are the stars of their own lives and don’t believe they deserve any less out of life than anyone else simply because they are not “perfect” or “ideal”.

4. If You Want Something, Take It

Nice guys don’t like to feel like they’re imposing on others or taking too much from others. Even when they want something, they stand back and hope it will come to them. They don’t like to approach women or ask them out because they fear bothering them or wasting their time. They believe they will get what they want if they allow others to get what they want first.

The Bad Boy View

The basic view is: “I’ll worry about your problems when I take care of mine.”

Bad boys know the world, and life in general, is very competitive. A bad boy is not going to starve to death so another guy can eat. Bad boys understand that the more they have, the more they can offer. You get nowhere waiting for things to fall in your lap. If you want something you have to go after it because chances are, lots of other people want the same thing you do.

This is one of those strange (yet useful) mind tricks you should always keep in mind as a player. It falls under the old “people always want what they can’t have” rule. However, it’s more complicated than that.

Never Rush

When targeting attractive women, a lot of men rush to move things forward because they fear if they wait too long or move too slow, another man will get her first. This type of thinking technically makes sense on paper, but it fails in the dating world. Only an insecure man needs to rush.

If a woman is very attractive she probably gets offered male attention literally every day and several times a day. So if you just got her number at 8 AM in the morning, it’s very possible another guy will try to pick her up by lunch. If attractive women entertained every offer they got from men who hit on them, they’d never get into relationships with anyone. Women are not like concert tickets. Being first does not equal success and coming later does not necessarily mean a missed opportunity.

The main point is you should relax and not feel pressure to be highly attentive out of fear someone else will get her attention first. The harder you chase a woman, the more trapped she feels.

Now don’t confuse moving slow with being a pussy and waiting so long to make a move that you end up in the “friend zone”. Taking your time simply means not changing your schedule, blowing off your male friends, or getting out of bed early just to chase or comply with a woman. Instead you should deal with her at your convenience without any concern that she might lose interest or get asked out by another guy.

Women Fear Stage 5 Clingers

You never want to come off as a possible stage 5 clinger who will call her 30 times a day. This is why attractive women will often play the hot and cold game. They’ll flirt with you and show interest, and then become distant later when you don’t expect it. If you freak out and start smothering her or asking: “Are you ok?” 30 times a day, she will be immediately turned off and flag you as insecure and desperate. Then you’ll either never hear from her again OR you’ll get an excuse why she is unavailable for the next 20 years.

Attractive women are fully aware of game and they know that a lot of needy, insecure men have basic pick-up skills. A lot of men have learned how to be smooth when they first meet a woman, but then once she shows even a hint of interest in him, he begins seeing her as his girlfriend and picturing future kids with her. Women know that a man who overreacts to attention from an attractive woman rarely gets such attention and is probably not used to it. Therefore, he probably can’t handle it. She knows he is a fraud and will probably become a stage 5 clinger and a psycho if she dumps him.

This is why the flakey, detached players can attract women so well. A player always gives off the vibe that he might leave at any time and isn’t really “won over” by her. Women know a difficult man to seduce probably has options and won’t kiss her ass or chase her much if she tries to leave. This only makes her want him more.

Freedom Will Bring Her Closer

The moral of the story is you bring women closer by giving them freedom and space. If she feels like being in your company is HER decision, she will enjoy that time a lot more than if she feels pressured into it. Being interested, yet distant will also keep her on her toes. Since you are not “won over” she has to be careful not to piss you off or you might drop her.

Generally women know when they have “caught” a man and you can usually tell they know based on their behavior. Basically when she stops trying to impress you, she knows she has won. When she starts acting like a bitch, she knows she has won. When she starts nagging and bossing you around, she knows she has won. When you don’t put her in her place or pull away from her when she gets bitchy, she knows she has won.

What happens when you win a game? You stop playing it. Once she has won, she will get bored and seek other stimulation. This can mean cheating, dumping you or simply manufacturing drama and treating you like trash for her entertainment.

This is why old married couples still fight. As retarded and annoying as it seems, fighting is necessary to keep both parties interested in the relationship. If there is no conflict at all, it can only mean one person has lost their spine and become totally submissive. Once this occurs, the relationship is doomed.

This should be pretty obvious but still worth discussion. As a player out on the hunt, you’ll notice that an attractive woman’s friendliness will often change based on how attractive the women around her are. For instance, if a woman is a 7 in a bar full of 5’s, she is going to have more attitude than she would in a bar full of 9’s.

One of the first times this phenomenon really grabbed my attention was when I went to college. Prior to that I was always in the normal environment of my hometown where the attractiveness of women varied dramatically between 1 and 10. However, I happened to pick a college with a high ratio of women compared to men as well as a high rating for “U.S. colleges with the hottest girls” in a magazine I will not name, but you can probably guess.

Once I moved to that college I was totally blown away by the high number of attractive women. The average woman there was a 7.5 and anything lower than a 5 was rare. As you might have guessed, these women were forced to lower their standards simply because of supply and demand. There were twice as many women at the school than men (which is not unusual in U.S. colleges these days) and the average man at the school was no George Clooney.

The point of the story is an attractive woman is only attractive because other women are ugly. Once every other woman is on the same level, her beauty becomes irrelevant and she has to prove herself in other ways. Value comes from scarcity. Once something becomes common or normal it loses value. As a result, very attractive women start acting like normal women. This was the real thing that hit me in college. I simply wasn’t used to interacting with so many attractive women who had little or no attitude and were often ready to jump in bed after a few beers.

So What does this Mean for a Player?

For a player this means you always want to target something common rather than something rare. In short, it means you should hit on attractive women more when other attractive women are around.

Let’s say you go to a party where most of the women are 9’s. This would be the perfect time to hit on 8’s. You’ll have more success because all the 9’s at the party will automatically lower the value and self-esteem of the 8’s. However, if you were to meet that same 8 at a party full of 6’s, you would find her to be a lot less friendly. I know this from experience.

If you really want to watch this situation play out, visit New York City. As you probably know, New York City is packed with attractive women AND they outnumber men. This is also an international city and a city with lots of models, celebrities and actors. In other words: some of the most attractive women in the world all in one place. This leads to massive competition for them compared to other cities. In the city I live the average woman is a 6. In New York the average woman is a 7.5. So when I visit New York I pull much hotter women with less effort.

The first time I went to New York as an adult I was blown away by how friendly and easy a lot of very attractive women were. They had a carefree attitude and a fast paced, no-nonsense approach to sex that I found surprising and refreshing (considering how attractive they were). They were almost like men. They sized you up fast and if they liked what you were bringing to the party, they were ready to go right away. I guess New York women are just slutty, but if a slut looks like Jessica Alba I’m not complaining.

Keep all this in mind when you are out on the hunt. Understand that the women you can pull will be influenced by the quality of the women around them. Remember that even a 5 thinks she’s hot stuff in a room full of 2’s. Some men will try to locate the most attractive woman in a room and go after her. A player knows better than that. Never go for the top prize. Just like with groups of friends, its best to “talk to the ugly friend” first. But in this case, the ugly friend is an 8.

It Goes Both Ways

Don’t forget to apply the same rule to yourself. It’s not just about the women, it’s also about you. Believe it or not, if you’re in a room full of 6’s and you go after a 5, you can STILL strike out if the men around you are more attractive than you. This is why the game can be so inconsistent and confusing for a lot of men.

Most men think if they have game and they can pull an 8 in one situation; that means they can pull an 8 in all situations. Then when the same man goes after a 7 and gets shot down, he is perplexed and confused about it. He concludes that women are crazy and inconsistent. Well, not really. Women are just very sensitive to their environment and what they desire from a man changes based on the environment. A woman might go home with a 6 when only 4’s are available. But in a room full of 8’s she is not going to notice the 6 at all, even if she is a 5 herself!

One of the craftiest ways to date women without playing the normal dating game is to find ways to avoid official “dates”. This is similar to my low budget player tips you can read here. When I’m with a new woman I really hate to label our time together as a “date”. I typically avoid “dates” because they are (in my personal opinion) STUPID. There is something very “high school” about having to put a label or title on simply spending time with another human being.

The “date” title puts too much pressure and expectation on both people. It takes away the spontaneous and natural flow of life and creates a structured environment almost like a job interview. All these retarded questions come up like: Who pays? Where will this go? What do I wear? How do I impress?

It’s totally unnecessary to put yourself through all this crap when you can side step it, save money, lower your stress levels and STILL get laid.

Make the Meeting about something else

Instead of asking her out on a date and making the purpose of the meeting about you and her, make it about something else. Invite her to an event going on or a party. Have her meet you for a happy hour. Tell her you’ll be in her area for something else and see if she wants to grab coffee. Just make it casual, spontaneous and random, rather than a well-defined and well planned date.

Bond On Shared Interest

If you’re playing the game right you should of asked her about her passions when you first met her. Now think back to some of her favorite activities and invite her to do them. Let’s say she loves wine-tasting. Ask her if she will be going to the wine-tasting event coming up. If she says yes, tell her you’re going also. If she says no, tell her you want to go and you’re looking for people to go with. Say you remembered her because of the conversation you had.

Be a Host

Throw parties and have barbeques at your home if possible. Invite her over. Since you are literally making her come to your place it’s almost too easy. Give her a tour of your home at an appropriate time and bring her to your room for private time.

Do whatever you can to get her in front of you without making it an official “date”. Some men believe that if they don’t make things clear to a woman early they will risk the friend zone. This is false. All that matters for avoiding the friend zone is refusing to be her friend. As long as you flirt with her and treat her like someone you’ll eventually f*ck, it doesn’t matter what title you give your time together with her.

As a player your goal is always to get as much as possible and give as little as possible until a woman proves she is worth more.

One large barrier a lot of men create for themselves in the quest to get laid is allowing society; their family or their friends to dictate what type of woman they should be attracted to. It’s hard enough to find a girl you like without having to make sure your friends, family and society like her too.

One of the less obvious reasons players do so well at banging lots of women is they don’t allow anyone else to dictate what makes a woman attractive or worth banging. When a player looks at a woman, all he focuses on is whether or not he feels sexual attraction towards her. He never stops to ask himself:

“What would my mom think of her?”

“What will my friends say about her?”

“What will people think when they see us kissing?”

Out of all the men I know who get laid often, 100% of them have been criticized behind their backs for the women they bang. Unless you’re dating a famous model or celebrity, someone is going to disprove of the woman you’re banging. Someone is going to find something wrong with her. Get over it. As long as she knows how to satisfy you in the bedroom, outside opinions are irrelevant. It’s your life.

Once you free yourself from the need to impress others and simply target women that excite you sexually, you’ll always be banging the hottest woman available. If you’re into women with big noses or women with flat butts, go after them. Never avoid a woman simply because you would never brag about banging her. If you feel attraction, go for it.