Often when nice guy’s realize they’re getting the short end of the stick in life, they make it a goal to change their ways. Some become angry and bitter enough to go to extremes and become truly awful people. This is their way of getting revenge on the world for “wronging them”. Some of the more sane/stable nice guys put on a bad boy “act” because they believe it’s the only way to be respected. But this usually leads to lots of awkward situations when they don’t know when to relax their “act” and be natural or genuine.
Putting on acts and going to extremes will not fix the problem or turn you into a sexy bad boy. All you’re doing is putting the cart before the horse. Running away from who you are and going for the quick fix will never give you the long term results you want. If you want to become a true bad boy you have to change yourself from the inside out. The only way to do this is by changing your thinking. I go into more detail on this in my book The Lothario Upper Hand, but for today’s purposes I’ll give you four behaviors bad boys adopt and the thinking patterns behind them. Knowing the thinking pattern behind these behaviors will allow you to incorporate them into your personality naturally because you will be viewing the situation like a bad boy.
1. Stop Apologizing
Nice guys like to apologize a lot. They hate to think their behavior has harmed, annoyed or angered someone. They just want to get along with everyone and be loved. They fear conflict because it might lead someone to dislike them. It all stems from a fear of rejection and a general fear of people overall.
The Bad Boy View
The basic view is: “This is not my fault. So why should I apologize?”
Bad boys don’t apologize because they didn’t do anything wrong. Simple as that. If you come to a bad boy and say you’re upset because your dog just died, he will not respond by saying:
“Oh no! I’m so sorry!”
Why not? Because he didn’t kill your damn dog! Therefore, he sees no reason to apologize. He will say something along the lines of: “That sucks” and not much more.
Regarding issues that truly ARE a result of his behavior, he is still unlikely to apologize. Let’s say he is late for a date or a planned event because he overslept or ran into unexpected traffic. It’s very unlikely you’ll hear him say:
“Sorry I’m late”.
At best you’ll get an excuse like: “I got tied up, but I got here when I could.”
Why no apology? Because once again, it’s not his fault. He didn’t make a conscious decision to arrive late, it just happened because of unexpected circumstances. Therefore, he has no reason to apologize.
Now, I’m not advising that you NEVER apologize to anyone for anything. I’m just saying your apologies should be saved for when you are truly in the wrong and not just a knee-jerk reaction when someone shows disapproval of your behavior.
2. Speak Your Mind
As I’ve already mentioned, nice guys hate and fear conflict. As a result they are slow to speak their minds and fast to agree with others. They fear speaking their mind will offend someone or cause someone to stop liking them.
The Bad Boy View
The basic view is: “If I don’t speak up, how will this person know they are wrong?”
While that sounds somewhat ridiculous, it’s actually how most people think. While reasonable people “tolerate” the beliefs of others who disagree with them and “pretend” to respect those beliefs… in the end they really don’t. Deep inside we don’t really respect others beliefs because we know our beliefs are right. Bad boys are just not afraid to say it. I’m the same way. If I disagree with someone they are automatically wrong in my mind unless they provide some kind of proof.
Bad boys are not afraid to share their opinions because they don’t believe in submission. They are naturally competitive and won’t sit in a corner with their lips sealed just to make some trash talking moron feel comfortable about their false beliefs.
This way of thinking should not be taken to the extreme where you become an obnoxious bigot who forces you’re beliefs on everyone. This is not what bad boys do. Instead they simply speak up when they disagree with someone and/or don’t like something. Simple as that.
3. Be Proud of Yourself
Most nice guys feel inferior and are easily embarrassed by getting too much praise or being in the spot light. Nice guys don’t feel like they deserve anything. This is why they are horrible with attractive women. In their heads they are thinking:
“Why would she date someone like me?”
Women can sense this doubt and they lose interest immediately. If you don’t think you’re good enough for someone then you’re not. If you think you are, then you are.
The Bad Boy View
The basic view is: “I know I’m not perfect, and frankly, I don’t give a sh*t because neither is anyone else”.
Bad boys focus on their good qualities and give very little attention to their bad ones. They take pride in all their accomplishments because they see them as clear testaments to their unique abilities and qualities. Bad boys are the stars of their own lives and don’t believe they deserve any less out of life than anyone else simply because they are not “perfect” or “ideal”.
4. If You Want Something, Take It
Nice guys don’t like to feel like they’re imposing on others or taking too much from others. Even when they want something, they stand back and hope it will come to them. They don’t like to approach women or ask them out because they fear bothering them or wasting their time. They believe they will get what they want if they allow others to get what they want first.
The Bad Boy View
The basic view is: “I’ll worry about your problems when I take care of mine.”
Bad boys know the world, and life in general, is very competitive. A bad boy is not going to starve to death so another guy can eat. Bad boys understand that the more they have, the more they can offer. You get nowhere waiting for things to fall in your lap. If you want something you have to go after it because chances are, lots of other people want the same thing you do.